Your personal trauma is the feed for Narcopa - we all know the man who fell from grace, it is family and friends. Most of us want to look at broken people and instinctively help them. Even those who do not care about it never thinks of actually cursing that person or ridiculing their failures or mistakes, even though we were happy to be secret about the situation. Regardless of my feelings towards people in particular, I did not attempt to tear by attacking people who were in the way to rebuild their lives. It is not so in Narcopas.
Shame is a rebounding major road block and Narcopas targeting you will do everything you can to return you to the dark abyss of your fear. why? She is watching you because she is afraid of the truth.
Have you experienced betrayal or loss? Did you feel that your soul was torn from you with such power that you will not breathe? Has the pain lost in your presence overwhelmed the texture of the past? Did you think that you could kill yourself and end it all? As it has turned your world upside down, have you done something devastating in your life? All what you knew has disappeared. Did you have to start over again from a place worse than ground zero? Did every guilt of it eat you inside? Because of shame and humiliation, did you feel like you werehes yourself away when you remembered what you did, even if you were sitting alone? Because you were too embarrassed to face them, did you separate you from your family and friends? Did you lose confidence in the ability to do something with yourself? Was it impossible to see the future for yourself? Did you not get anything else done in your life? Have you ever wondered if you will survive? Did you destroy your lifelong dreams? All the fibers of your existence want to live again, but it seems that it is not going now.
I asked these questions over and over again. Sometimes, guilt and humiliation overwhelmed my whole. I was too shy to talk and talk with old friends and family. I can remember that I really pray for death. I believed my life was over. I was surprised every day how I survive. No matter what I did, I could not shake away the guilt and shame of how my actions affected my husband and children. I did not think that I am taller than ever. I could not live with shame and embarrassment that I brought to myself and my family. I completely refused the diagnosis of PTSD and clinical major depression, so I refused treatment for a very long time. I told myself that I was not morbidly sick, and if I was depressed, I would get out of myself. So think about someone who could not accept less than completeness in ourselves.
I heard that all the time has been healed. I am not very convinced about it, but time passed and the daily pass recalled what I did, destroyed, and what I lost. I have found no loophole in the strange twilight zone. I was alive, but that was it. I tried to persuade myself. I really wanted to move forward and wanted to do something productive, but I could not, I did not. I had lost my dream, but even though I wanted to find a new one, it was my dream that I could concentrate whenever my thoughts headed in that direction. I have become a walking vegetable.
No matter how badly I was looking for new dreams, new goals, ideas, suggestions escaped me. There was a time when I started to believe that we got only one big dream in our life. And then, we ended the end. Dreams and goals motivate us to keep on walking this way we call life. If I were there, am I still here?
I could not escape the events that shattered my world and the fact that I was not strong enough to endure the mistakes I made after the trauma. Forgiveness for what I did came easily and quickly from my husband and children, but I was not from myself. I was too embarrassed to talk about it, and I did not share my thoughts and feelings with someone.
One Sunday morning, eight years passed for me, I was in the same place. Something had to give. I got up and went to the mass (for the first time in a very long time). And, having listened carefree, I noticed that the reason why I could not find a new dream is not because I was not fit for another. I am not abandoning the past and what I destroyed, because I was shamed and embarrassed and bound by my past mistakes. I will not accept whether it was not perfect. Despite knowing that I was not perfect, accepting the fact that I abandoned shame and made me such a huge mistake was not easy. At that moment, hard labor involving my life for a long time ceased. It took me eight years to realize this, but it was my first step.
The realization of this one decided me the way to find the right tool I needed to heal the interior and get rid of what happened. As I passed by everyday, I was able to actually feel the repair of my soul and my heart. Every morning I could feel that I was a bit stronger than the previous day. Thank you for my family standing by my side. Their support and love saw me through my darkest hour.
I have found a purpose to live again. My soul was healing. I was born and gradually returned the strength and self-confidence of the inside, and became stronger everyday. I could not figure out what was left in my life, but at least I saw the possibility again. I sought many souls, my dreams for my life did not die and I realized only the path I chose to reach. I was a lawyer for those who can not always speak for themselves. I always underwrote the role of protector and defender of the weak. This is what I was born. I still had my voice, but I still had my belief in finding the justice and truth of the unhappy people. I just had to find a new goal and way to get there. My heart finally escaped pain, I saw a new possibility. I began moving the wheels to complete my doctorate in philosophy. My life was good again.
Well, I told you to tell this. It takes time to heal trauma of wound and cause of shame in your heart and your soul. It will not occur overnight and any attack on your character can return you to free fall. I found this in a difficult way.
Only narcissistic social illnesses constantly ripple the progress you are taking to take your most painful personal failures and regain your own sense. Only those with severe personality disorders thoroughly attempt your recovery without feeling heartfelt compassion. If she can not control you, she will try to destroy you and everything you love. She is unconscious and in fact seems to inflate emotional pain. This represents my son's lover, Narcopas, Nicky Miller who is doing her best to destroy me. She will not miss the chance to cut. She does it openly and privately and often does it. I do not pretend to be a saint or a delusion that everyone resembles me. I shared my share with others. This is human nature. It is not going to change. It is simply a personality difference, but here it is not. If I can not control you, she will see you as a threat (because I do not have clues). She takes the weakest moment in my life and minimizes traumatic pain that literally brought me to her knees. She makes a mistake made in six months in the year 54 when I am on this planet, and cuts through my fiber keeping my soul and mind for something other than a sadistic pleasure that always brings her. Sadly, even my son talked to her mother and asked to apologize to her, so I taught it to me that it is my fault and joined forces with her It was. What is the idea of a person who has just begun to heal from a nightmare?
Shame and embarrassment flooded behind and hung above me like a thick fog. My confidence has been struck. Doubt and fear again rose. My son bought her lies, hooks, lines, sinkers and said that it was my fault. I guessed myself again. I was still being attacked by her, my mother, father, 12 year old daughter, and my son. I was back in the black hole I had lived for 8 years. Protected from every imaginable angle, they somehow hit me. It was my favorite place to attack me, so I stopped going to Facebook. Just by posting my grandchild's photos, I will attack with the power you can not imagine. Mother, grandmother, ex-lawyer, and her and her recruiters (I call them monkeys who fly) to simply attack the ability to live. They did not miss the opportunity to ridicule and minimize the most shocking experience of my life. In parallel with that, I constantly judged the mistakes I made in the 6 months, ridicule and criticism of everything I did, any decision in my life. One of their favorites is to criticize and ridicule the way I brought up my child. I believe that these people are not human beings. What mothers have not guessed themselves at once? I can guarantee you made a mistake to raise my child to you, but beyond the shadow of the mistake, you can also guarantee that my mistake was an artificial mistake. I will not badly hurt either of my children. At some point they began to attack my marriage and husband. It was like listening to a broken record. I was fighting the darkness. As long as I could keep away from her, I thought it would be fine. I wanted silence and passage of time to stop harassing. I blocked her from all the social media accounts I had to avoid reading or seeing negative things from her.
My grandchild was a source of great power for me. I cherished all the time I spent together. At this year's Easter weekend I invited all three grandchildren to spend a few days at my in-law family camp. She refuses my grandchildren to join us and posts it on Facebook to invite her daughter to attack my harassment, frightening what he did not include her son did.
After my weekend grandchild, my husband and I took a mini vacation to Corpus Christi. Sitting on the beach while watching the waves of the waves, I decided the only way I was raising my tall ever. Take this monster and crush it. My silence served only to allow her to leave unconfirmed. As a lawyer, I always protected and protected the rights and dignity of those who needed my help. I needed my help. I had to get up for myself and the truth and had to allow me to keep controlling me like she kept silent in her hated sadistic attacks. I wanted to save my relationship with my son, because of the shame and embarrassment I felt in each attack, I remain silent as she says, the most sadistic and vulnerable you can imagine I did that.
I knew that I had to fully understand the past, cease to be affected, and have the power to fight this evil. I was at this time around the end of the trip. Since then I have not given up. I can not prove that she is exposing her for evil sick people and that she will not work so that her harassment and attack no longer plays a shame in tranquilizing me. I have not written a lie about her. I will teach exactly what happened and back up my sentences with my own words. She and her flying monke do their best to stop me, but I can not do that. Her latest tactics is submitting a fake crime report complaining of telephone harassment. I am looking forward to the ordeal and look forward to the opportunity to expose her lies and ugliness. My next post is the letter I sent to the prosecution.
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