In this article we will discuss what is today's commitment in the 21st century and try to answer the question, is it really new "We are sharing until the time of death? Are you clear about the role that commitment plays in your relationship?
My best friend Tina sent me an e-mail telling me that no one has dated since I got divorced about six months ago. As she got married and divorced three times, she insists that she will never get married again. Furthermore, the person involved with her is not marriage & simply her vocabulary!
At the same time, I was on the way to end my relationship with love and worship men. Because he was unable to make a marriage leap forward.
I have another client who got married and divorced five times and she says she will not have sex with nobody without promises of marriage. She wants to express respect. And she believes in old words. Why can you buy milk for free?
How do three people want commitment and come from such different places? Where are you setting up problems?
How about a couple who decides to move together rationally and how they are looking at how a couple judges whether the two are compatible? If so, you will get married. I recently talked to a woman who talked to her boyfriend that she is moving together as if she is auditioning for her. If she is handed, he will protect her. This may not give good results to many people seeking commitment. In fact, according to the Relationship Coaching Institute, if you first live together, the possibility of your marriage is not so high.
Is it a promise to live together? Have you promised not to contract with anyone else? Do you agree to commit children together? Marriage, in light of high divorce statistics, are these days promises? Shared finance is a promise? What is the commitment?
David Steir, Chairman and CEO of the Relationship Coaching Institute, says there are differences in commitments, including promises and marriages. In short, the promise is what you say, the commitment is to do something ... promise is a small commitment, absolutely related.
Steele further stated that: "The commitment is obvious and unambiguous: commitment is some formal event between the two, mentally, emotionally, or physically.
I recently worked with clients who lived with men for 8 years. They have a 6 year old child. He kicks her out of the house, she is now homeless and he goes to a friend from a friend. The house was him before the relationship, he was a person with work. No matter where she lives, she can not even gain custody of her son. If she is married, she will gain the rights to the house, children and children's support.
I have another client whose boyfriend left her after 17 years. He left a house and a child to her, but there is no way to make a payment. Of course she can overtake him for the support of the child, but since he is a self-employed handy man, she is fortunate to be able to see $ 300 a month. If she was married, you will need to help expenses and support your spouse.
Of course, I cite legal examples of what can happen to people who live together without a marriage or symbiotic agreement. Heterosexual couple who live together is like gay couples. It is because there is no legal position. If there is no will, there is no right to inherit. Without marriage or attorney's binding power there is no medical decision making right or medical insurance right of your loved one.
On the other hand, how about marriage where one person keeps a secret, hobs work and works? Do you commit "marriage contract"? Certainly, we all know many marriages that ended in divorce.
How about the emotional security of commitment? I recently heard a program that Alison Armstrong is in sync with the opposite sex. She only wrote that the woman could look forward to the future and love big and wide things. So, when believing that a woman has an endless future, she can give her full self, her love, attention and passion all to the relationship. When uncertain about her future, she literally has to unwind her emotions and restores her affections.
As with men, marriage has security. When being tempted by women and sexual desire, his wedding ring is a good memory of the safe area where he lives. He remembers his oath and important things to him. It is always difficult for men to refuse free sex. Let's be honest here. But when he is truly committed his integrity will save days and relationships.
David Steele suggests these three criteria to see if something really is a promise or a promise.
Criteria # 1: We promise each other about the permanent nature of the relationship being maintained.
Criteria # 2: Explicit, official, official declaration.
Criteria # 3: Commitments are obvious to partners and others. Does this definition of commitment sound like a maritime commitment?
The term "commitment" has the problem of being confused with the spiritual or punitive definition of "commitment." We think most of men as commitment as fear or fear. Perhaps the first fear most people face is loss of freedom. Whether it is true or not, it is typically
Male site of # 1 thing as a reason not to marry.
Steel said, "Because of confusion between the two definitions, some couples have problems with commitment.
Commitment is a free and growing experience. Your partner's "
Those who are afraid of commitment need to find out why they do not put themselves into a relationship of trust. Will they lose themselves? Is your feeling that is not strong enough to endure the part that will be the "partner" of the relationship? When we think of FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real), the only way to overcome it is to jump in and do it and handle what happens.
I know a lot of people over the years that the fear of losing freedom is truly false evidence that appears to them. Even after the leap they found a rich and rich life that commitments must offer. The issue of commitment, especially concerning men, is interesting as men promise all sorts of things in their lives. They tend to work, home, sports teams, clubs and frequently use the same bars and restaurants. In general, men are very faithful when they wish.
Choice is an important element of commitment. There are many couples who are happy and happy together, but that is their choice. When choices are deleted, in the case of marriage it becomes a promise and a contract, no longer representative of "free choice" in their lives.
I draw a big picture of a commitment like a big round circle. From one side of the circle there is a gift of love, worship, compassion, from the other side there are obligations, change, uncertainty. But from another point of view it is fun, excited, spontaneous, in another respect it is monotonous and everyday. I think that the view of commitment will change according to your own recognition and choices.
Most men say that my friend Tom who married happily over the age of 35 will resist change. If you have a lonely elderly for a lifetime, it is not easy for him to make such a big change. Tom says that among young men they do not want to commit until they have steady success, so they seem to have fear. They need to feel ready, young men need to feel a success and be able to make women happy in their lives by providing a good home and lifestyle to her know. Still, he says he may hire a woman to awaken and give him the last tears. If he is young, he still has faith in him, as he himself does not have experience of success himself. If he is older, he may have to "change" easily to change.
For us wanting certain things, I need to apologize. Sadly, I am not sure. Even the act of marriage, even the final promise in our society, the divorce rate is still 50%. Is there a way to raise the odds? In order to truly commit, we need to promise the kind of commitment, standing in front of people, in a legal position, a continuing choice to become a combination of choices, relationships, heart and soul I believe. I love the idea of a wedding anniversary and I have chosen each other again. Please reevaluate your relationship and check as a couple whether you are targeting goals and dreams.
We are all different, there is something to move the world. Please send me a comment about this. I am very interested in what you say. In the next article I will talk about the most important elements to bring together your committed relationship.
Lori S. Rubenstein
Love advice coach
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